How to Deal with Telemarketers

guys! guys! these are freakin’ hilarious! you would love it!

in a recent post, i described how local blogger jayson ang played a prank on a timeshare scam company. that was really funny!

then i came across these telephone conversations by american comedian tom mabe, who makes a living out of playing pranks on telemarketers! he leaves a voice recorder by his phone so that whenever he receives a call from a telemarketer, he can immediately record the conversation.

just listen to these!

a telemarketer calls him and is fooled into believing that he has called an actual crime scene!

over here, the telemarketer is trying to sell him — get this — a prearranged burial plot! creepy! people sell everything over the phone these days!

here’s the transcript:

Mabe: Hello?

Bob: Is Mr. or Mrs. Maybe in please?

Mabe: This is Mr. Mabe. [Sounds of Mabe crying.]

Bob: Hi, Mr. Mabe. This is Bob, and I’m calling to you from Evergreen Cemetery. How are you today?

Mabe: Uh, not, not that good.

Bob: Oh, I’m sorry. The reason I’m calling you today is to offer you some peace of mind through prearranged burial plots. You can rest assured that all of the details can be taken care of for you. [Sounds of Mabe sobbing] … Sir?

Mabe: What’s your name again?

Bob: Bob.

Mabe: Bob, you’re not going to believe this. I lost my job on Thursday. Company closed shop. My— My wife left me.

Bob: Oh, I’m sorry.

Mabe: And I’m sitting— But this— This is so— this is so bizarre. I was sitting here just contemplating suicide, and I was praying, asking God for a sign.

Bob: Yeah, but I’m just calling you because your name is on the list.

Mabe: But no, you don’t understand, just five minutes ago I was— I was just praying and asking God for a sign, and you called.

Bob: Yeah, but I’m just doing my job.

Mabe: I know, I know, but— Something’s in control, I don’t know what it is. But I mean, you’re the Angel of Death, man!

Bob: Listen, is there anybody that I can call for you? You have relatives? You have somebody that we can contact? There’s got to be something that we can do. Uh, sir? Mr. Mabe? Why don’t you let me know exactly what’s going on? You can talk to me.

Mabe: I’ve been working with this company for about six years now, and we just got a bigger house. We have a two-bedroom house. And I lost my job. The company, they shut down. My wife, she’s just frustrated, she’s back in Vermont. And—things aren’t working.

Bob: Do you have any kids that we can call, we can contact?

Mabe: He’s six years old. He’s at his grandmother’s house. I mean, you don’t understand. I mean—just five minutes ago I was praying, saying, God, help me through this, give me a sign of some sort—and you called.

Bob: No, no, I’m not that sign.

Mabe: You’re the Angel of Death.

Bob: Look, I can call someone and have somebody come right over there for you.

Mabe: No, I’m glad that you called. I could use your services here. I mean, how much is this stuff?

Bob: Well, you know, we have different price ranges for different sorts of plots.

Mabe: Is it, is it— So it is kind of expensive, though, some of it?

Bob: No, it’s very affordable, and this way you could take care of all of it.

Mabe: Do you take financing down there?

Bob: Mr. Mabe, you know, you just got done saying that you’re thinking of taking your life. Do you have, I don’t know, a credit card? Or a checking account?

Mabe: Hold on. [Sounds of Mabe crying.]

Bob: Let me ask you this: if I got the paperwork out to you, say, this afternoon, do you think you could maybe hold off until tomorrow?

Mabe: I don’t know.

hahaha what do you think? apparently this guy is doing so well he’s even selling his funny telephone conversations on CDs! i think these clips have been floating around the web for quite some time, although i only came across them last week.

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