The basic unit of the India family was the undivided family. Grandma, Grandad and all their married and unmarried sons and unmarried daughters lived in one single family unit both (socially and physically.

Daughters were the necessary exception. They became part of a different undivided family when they married.

Dowry was the system of fair allocation of property to daughters at the time of their joining a new undivided family by reason of marriage. They got their share of inheritance upfront at the wedding and took it with them to the new family.

Sons (and unmarried daughters) never actually “cashed out” their inheritance unless in the rare instance of either chosing to move out and live separate lives, which usually happened as their children became adults, and they became the patriarchal heads of new “undivided” families. Creating a new undivided family was a considerable burden on a couple, as they inherited only part of the estate of his parents, and had to create wealth to bring up his new undivided family to the economic level of their old one.

The natural way to do this was to marry off their sons, and bring in dowry-the inheritance of the new brides from their old families- thus both expanding the family and making it economically better poised to handle itself.

(this is in contrast to the English aristocratic system of inheritance, where all property-in the absence of a will to the contrary-goes to the oldest son.

The system self-regulated itself (sort of). If a just married daughter was sent off to her new home with a stingy share of her inheritance/dowry, her new in-laws/new undivided family would complain, often going to traditional arbitration courts.

And if the new family asked that an excessive or disproportionate share be brought along by the new bride, the old family could refuse the marriage. View all comments by mscommerce

Interesting read. My 2 cents. and don’t mind my english.

The dowry system IS evil. Dwelling into it’s origins may help understand it better, but cannot be used to justify it. From what I know (and I could be totally wrong) the dowry was meant to be the share of the girl from the family estate. Atleast that’s what happened within my family. I have 3 sisters, 2 of them are physicians, yet my parents gave dowry of about 1.5 crores (USD 300000) for each. we just din’t call it dowry and not all is cash. A more imp point is that only 10% of what we gave went to the groom’s family as a gift (yes dowry is illegal in India!) rest was in the name of the bride. I am happy about that.

The amt of dowry given depends/and reflects a family’s social/economic status. Rich families give dowries in millions. So, its not really like selling sick cattle like someone pointed-out.

The the birth of the girl child is/was (both apply) never cherished. Read the UN note on female infanticide in India. Though it’s more prevlent in the impoverished northern areas (does it really matter. Arn’t we all supposed to be indians) it does happen every where, in some form or the other. Newer medical technologies are really helping??

Comming to how fellow indians react to bad news/info about india, I can only say that I am amused when I read people writing on a tangent topic like the rich ancient customs and heritage of the country, when all the discussion is about some bad aspect in Indian society. I think most of the modern middle class indians (i include myself in that) are either ignorant about the real India or are just ashamed to admit the downside. I am glad that some people are generous to admit that it happens only in some families. And wow never in the ’super’ cities. Villages are bad right! And imagine what that few translates into when we are talking of a nation of a billion. BTW 75% of that billion still live in the rural India!

Finally talking of arranged marriages. I can’t help laughing my a** off when people point out that the bride and groom exercise their choice in spouse selection by rejecting offers they dont like. I could only wonder on what basis they make that choice. (mostly in the 1 or so meetings they have before marriage) May be they go for the looks. Isn’t it so superficial!

BTW India is the 4th largest economy and is expected to beat Japan to take the 3rd place shortly. But a ‘lot’ of Indians need to grow-up. Every society has its ills. But closing our eyes to them cannot be our best approach at improvement. View all comments by Avinash

India is an ancient culture , with many worlds woven into eachother. The history and circumstance of ‘dowry’ is a phenomenon of the last 800 years - the period which saw massive Islamic invasions into India , followed by the economic onslaught of the Brits.

For the first time , the land of Kama Sutra and Brahma Sutras became a victim of terror - common folk and women who were untouched in all affairs and wars of state , were attacked repeatedly by the Islamic invaders.

India has been a battle ground of the expansive , inclusive , artistic Indic cultures and the terror of Islam and Christianity !

Indian women suffed the worst - and strange practices emerged as a reaction , with a new-felt need to ‘protect’ , women ! Earlier ’swayamwara’ - or ’self-choice’ was the custom of ancient India , for women - where men of many accomplishments would present themselves and the girl would get to chose her partner ed of choice .

Dowry system started off as a ‘gift’ system , which then became frozen in time as an accepted custom in many parts of India especially during the periods of British colonialism.

Dowry does not represent the prevelant Indian situation , but caused a lot of outrage in a lot of decent people in india through the 60s and 70s when many reported deaths due to harrassment came to notice.

I am glad we are out of that era. and yes , I am an indian male ! View all comments by Rudra

Dowry is prevalnet in lot of countries around the world. In India it is the girl who gives. In the Middle-east it is the groom, who has to give cash, house, ornaments, banquet, goats & camels as dowry. You will be shocked to know that last year there was article in the newspaper(in Dubai) about a girl applying for divorce within a week of marriage, coz her groom didn’t give the promised dowry!!! Lots of muslim guys here in UAE look for foreign brides since they don’t have the means to pay the exorbitant dowries demanded by their in-laws!!! India, Arabic & African countries are very old, very big in size and population to change overnight, unlike Singapore which is only a city state with educated and propserous citizens. So can’t compare. View all comments by Frederick R.

Subhangi is right: Dowry is like offering to pay some guy to take a daughter off your hands. In fact, I had originally titled my book “Sold to the Lowest Bidder,” but later changed it to a simpler one, THE DOWRY BRIDE. And the publisher liked it better, too.

Shobhan Bantwal
Author of THE DOWRY BRIDE
The story of one brave woman trapped in India’s dowry system
Release date: Sept. 2007 View all comments by Shobhan Bantwal

I am a cousin of Hari :) he sent me the link to your blog since I am a blogger too!

This is a very interesting post … being a “good” Indian girl myself (ahem) I equate giving dowry, no matter how less, to selling sick cattle. It’s like saying “Look, I’ll PAY you to marry my daughter!” Why? Is the daughter so worthless?

Never mind … I’m not commenting further on this issue as it just pisses me off, and idiots like that Sun make it worse.

Moving onto more cheerful things - nice blog! And pretty colours too!

Cheers,

Subhangi View all comments by Subhangi

Well, Sun, I was born and raised in India and visit often enough. I know what I’m talking about. Dowry never entered into my marriage or most of my friends’ (and that was 30 years ago), but the depraved system not only exists in contemporary India, it has proliferated over the last couple of decades. Dowry deaths happened back then and now they have esclalated. They are a sad and regretful fact of a rapidly growing population that has become more materialistic over the years. Demanding a dowry is nothing short of greed.

How can you say dowry doesn’t exist anymore? Wasn’t it less than four years ago that Nisha Sharma had her potential in-laws arrested for demanding a ridiculous dowry, and the episode made international headlines? Nisha’s story is only the tip of the iceberg. Nearly 20,000 women die violent deaths every year as a result of dowry problems.

Wake up and smell the coffee, will you! Or should I say tea? View all comments by Shobhan Bantwal

Hey Sun, here’s my response to yours:

“I better not seek any certification from you on my spellings and language…. we cares anyway..”

If you are gonna make any groundless remarks directed at what I said, make sure you actually understood its meaning in the first place. But dude, you could not even grasp the meaning of most of the things I wrote.

“I am a native Indian and lived there pretty long years. But that’s not matter. You have no right to write any negative things arrogantly (just by hearing from some friend, which I bet you would not name here)”

When the heck did I write any negative things arrogantly? I’m more inclined to think that you are the one. Several Indians have already left comments above. None of them took any offense to what I wrote. FYI, my friend has already left his comment way before you did.

“Well, I understand, your post and also read that your post was based on conversation with your friend (who you said was not Indian by race)”

Now, why would it even matter if he wasn’t Indian by race? You are seriously sounding like a racist now. He may be a Caucasian for all I care. As long as he’s born and bred in India, with generations before him living in India, his knowledge about India wouldn’t be too far from the truth.

“… But do you think that is the general case all over in India?”

You are joking right? To answer you in plain simple English that you may actually understand: No, as I have already indicated in my post. “Many” does not equate “all over”, dumbass.

“Same is the case of arrange marriage…. may be whatever you have written is true if it were done 20/30 years ago.”

Only “maybe”?

“BTW, did you friend told you those things and asked you to put on the net? or did you tel them that you have put it in the net?”

Last I checked, this was still my blog. So what right do you even have to question this?

Seriously, your comments make absolutely no sense at all and certainly do not add any value to the conversation. Your logic is twisted and mindset juvenile. You have therefore been banned from here. Shoo! View all comments by Veron

Nowhere did she mention that ALL arranged marriages require dowry for success, and neither did she mention that ALL women whose marriages were arranged end up getting ill-treated by their in-laws. It’s just that she wanted to (based on what I told her) bring it to others notice that this evil practice is still prevalent in India.

Dude read the Indian papers. Haven’t you heard about brides getting killed because they couldn’t bring enough dowry? Come to think of it, one Indian with an American green card killed his wife for that reason couple of years back. Now he must be with his new husband (I’m sure you didn’t get this joke) in some American prison (if he wasn’t deported back to India). And yes, it was in the papers.

Of course, a large percentage of arranged marriages end up as ‘happily ever after’ stories and it’s not like every other Indian man is lusting for dowry, but it’d be wrong to deny its existence. It is very much in vogue for many families (societies?) and the common good would be to do something about it. If you aren’t part of that dowry-seekers bandwagon, good for you. But, this, my friend, is one classic example of brushing the dust under the carpet.

Anyways read the other comments. You are not the only Indian who read and commented here. Check out what other Indians have to say. View all comments by Beni

Well, I understand, your post and also read that your post was based on conversation with your friend (who you said was not Indian by race)… But do you think that is the general case all over in India?

Same is the case of arrange marriage…. may be whatever you have written is true if it were done 20/30 years ago.

BTW, did you friend told you those things and asked you to put on the net? or did you tel them that you have put it in the net? View all comments by Sun

Also, by saying that my concepts (based on what my friend from India told me) are “totally wrong”, you are implying that you yourself know better. May I ask, were you born in India? Have you lived there all your life? If the answer to either question is “no”, then what is the basis for your arrogance in thinking that an alien like yourself would know more about India than Indians do? View all comments by Veron

Dowry system is getting erassed rapidly. However, if you go to rural area, you may still observe it. Dowry system is not only practised in India. It is also eslewhere… however, as far as I know, in other society the Bride’s parents receive it from Groom’s side…. as if its selling a the Bride. View all comments by Sun

Among most the educated, the drowry system is no longer practiced. View all comments by Kevin

My novel, THE DOWRY BRIDE, is scheduled for publication by Kensington Books in Sept. 2007. It is the story of one young woman trapped in India’s arranged marriage and dowry system, and a culture of fascinating contradictions. It describes her adventurous journed to freedom and ultimately happiness. It will also explain some of the cultural reasons for parents’ need to see their daughters married. My website has more info. at: http://www.shobhanbantwal.com View all comments by Shobhan Bantwal