I met up with a friend from India recently. Indian men are good drinkers, I’d say. I had three pints of beer while he downed four easily like mineral water. Then, one of his Indian friends came along and sucked down a pint in ten seconds. The beer was good. Neither one of us suffered [...]
Read the full article: Why Do Indian Women Get Married?- Tweet
- Share on Tumblr
Text 
- Text size
RSS
iPhone app
Facebook
TwitterAbout the Editor
Veron Ang is the Founder and Chief Editor of Sparklette, a Singapore restaurants guide, lifestyle and travel blog. She graduated with a bachelor's degree in computer science from the National University of Singapore and runs a web design firm at Sparklette Studio. To get in touch, head on over to the contact page or follow @Sparklette and @VeronSG on Twitter.
Comment using Facebook
Responses Leave a comment
-
Xanthe
28 commentsPosted January 19, 2007 at 5:31 pmI’ve read from Straits Times sometimes back. A lady got splashed on the face with acid by her suitor, because she rejected him. That is not an isolated case, there are many cases of such brute treatment in India, some got slashed in the face etc. I can’t imagine living life in fear everyday, for every men we rejected, our lives or face is at stake.
- Posted January 20, 2007 at 11:55 am
- Posted January 23, 2007 at 1:08 am
I’m a middle-aged Indian woman and author, who had an arranged marriage 33 years ago, with no dowry. I’m still happily married. Marriage in our culture is considered a safety net for women. A single woman in India, to this day, is a stigma on the family (something must be wrong, including lesbianism, genetic mutation, disease). Most Indian parents feel it is their duty to find a good husband for their daughters, so she will be provided for and protected when they themselves are gone.
My novel, THE DOWRY BRIDE, is scheduled for publication by Kensington Books in Sept. 2007. It is the story of one young woman trapped in India’s arranged marriage and dowry system, and a culture of fascinating contradictions. It describes her adventurous journed to freedom and ultimately happiness. It will also explain some of the cultural reasons for parents’ need to see their daughters married. My website has more info. at: http://www.shobhanbantwal.com
-
Kevin
3 commentsPosted January 25, 2007 at 7:07 amFrom my understanding, most of those who still practice this drowry system in India are mostly the un-educated.
Among most the educated, the drowry system is no longer practiced.
- Posted January 28, 2007 at 12:56 am
I read somewhere that the dowry was given by the bride’s parents to coax the groom’s family to treat their daughter well. Apparently, it’s better not to get married (and save all that money) than to get married with insufficient dowry!
And Veron, you said it right: women in Singapore have it good!
Does that mean that the next time I hear a Singaporean woman complain about their husbands, I can kick them too? ;) - Posted January 28, 2007 at 3:29 pm
-
Sun
2 commentsPosted February 7, 2007 at 12:46 pmWell,
I do not know what exactly the writer wanted to say. But I would say it is just a “cooked-up” story.
At present, the situation is quite different. Now a days, even if it is arranged marriage, both, the girl and boy has right to say “NO” if they do not like the would-be companion. The writer have totally wrong concepts of arranged marriage. So, its better forthe writer not to comment on it.Dowry system is getting erassed rapidly. However, if you go to rural area, you may still observe it. Dowry system is not only practised in India. It is also eslewhere… however, as far as I know, in other society the Bride’s parents receive it from Groom’s side…. as if its selling a the Bride.
- Posted February 7, 2007 at 4:36 pm
-
Sun
2 commentsPosted February 7, 2007 at 5:27 pmI better not seek any certification from you on my spellings and language…. we cares anyway..
I am a native Indian and lived there pretty long years. But that’s not matter.
You have no right to write any negative things arrogantly (just by hearing from some friend, which I bet you would not name here)Well, I understand, your post and also read that your post was based on conversation with your friend (who you said was not Indian by race)… But do you think that is the general case all over in India?
Same is the case of arrange marriage…. may be whatever you have written is true if it were done 20/30 years ago.
BTW, did you friend told you those things and asked you to put on the net? or did you tel them that you have put it in the net?
- Posted February 7, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Sun dude (or whatever your name is – Suraj, Surya…), you need to go back to elementary English school. You know, work on your grammar and stuff. That aside, I am the Indian friend of Veron’s who told her about this whole thing. And I am thankful for the fact that she has blogged it. It’s not like people don’t know about it anyway.
Nowhere did she mention that ALL arranged marriages require dowry for success, and neither did she mention that ALL women whose marriages were arranged end up getting ill-treated by their in-laws. It’s just that she wanted to (based on what I told her) bring it to others notice that this evil practice is still prevalent in India.
Dude read the Indian papers. Haven’t you heard about brides getting killed because they couldn’t bring enough dowry? Come to think of it, one Indian with an American green card killed his wife for that reason couple of years back. Now he must be with his new husband (I’m sure you didn’t get this joke) in some American prison (if he wasn’t deported back to India). And yes, it was in the papers.
Of course, a large percentage of arranged marriages end up as ‘happily ever after’ stories and it’s not like every other Indian man is lusting for dowry, but it’d be wrong to deny its existence. It is very much in vogue for many families (societies?) and the common good would be to do something about it. If you aren’t part of that dowry-seekers bandwagon, good for you. But, this, my friend, is one classic example of brushing the dust under the carpet.
Anyways read the other comments. You are not the only Indian who read and commented here. Check out what other Indians have to say.
-
nita
1 commentPosted March 14, 2010 at 3:18 amA year ago, I would have been all “multicultural” and would have thought myself as part of the tolerant and liberal people of this world. During these last months, I have become acquainted with the trail of misery and the sistematic destruction of women’s life that this practice of enforced marriage actually produces. I do not care anymore if I am considered non PC; all these cultural neutrality can be used to avoid uncovering the reality in which women have their lives determined and ruled by a society in which they are nothing more than commodities (or incommodities). And as for the mojority of marriages being “happy ever after”, I wonder what would happen if you tlook social coercion out of the formula.
-
- Posted February 7, 2007 at 6:06 pm
- Posted February 7, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Wow! This is getting so darned interesting! I have no idea who this Sun is, but I’m guessing it’s a male. I don’t have a blog but I get similar comments on my freelance articles, and they’re mostly from males. Any comment that even vaguely points to the darker side of a male-oriented society tends to to make the men defensive.
Well, Sun, I was born and raised in India and visit often enough. I know what I’m talking about. Dowry never entered into my marriage or most of my friends’ (and that was 30 years ago), but the depraved system not only exists in contemporary India, it has proliferated over the last couple of decades. Dowry deaths happened back then and now they have esclalated. They are a sad and regretful fact of a rapidly growing population that has become more materialistic over the years. Demanding a dowry is nothing short of greed.
How can you say dowry doesn’t exist anymore? Wasn’t it less than four years ago that Nisha Sharma had her potential in-laws arrested for demanding a ridiculous dowry, and the episode made international headlines? Nisha’s story is only the tip of the iceberg. Nearly 20,000 women die violent deaths every year as a result of dowry problems.
Wake up and smell the coffee, will you! Or should I say tea?
- Posted February 7, 2007 at 10:15 pm
- Posted February 7, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Hello!
I am a cousin of Hari :) he sent me the link to your blog since I am a blogger too!
This is a very interesting post … being a “good” Indian girl myself (ahem) I equate giving dowry, no matter how less, to selling sick cattle. It’s like saying “Look, I’ll PAY you to marry my daughter!” Why? Is the daughter so worthless?
Never mind … I’m not commenting further on this issue as it just pisses me off, and idiots like that Sun make it worse.
Moving onto more cheerful things – nice blog! And pretty colours too!
Cheers,
Subhangi
- Posted February 7, 2007 at 11:29 pm
Thanks, Veron. I sure hope my book will sell well. One of the reasons I started writing it is because of my disdain for the dowry system, and to awaken the rest of the world to the realities of a custom that has evolved into something more disgusting than ever. Although my book is fiction, I have portrayed the story with as much realism as it is possible to infuse into a mainstream book meant to entertain and educate at the same time. I also plan to donate a portion of my book earnings to certain women’s shelters.
Subhangi is right: Dowry is like offering to pay some guy to take a daughter off your hands. In fact, I had originally titled my book “Sold to the Lowest Bidder,” but later changed it to a simpler one, THE DOWRY BRIDE. And the publisher liked it better, too.
Shobhan Bantwal
Author of THE DOWRY BRIDE
The story of one brave woman trapped in India’s dowry system
Release date: Sept. 2007 -
Frederick R.
1 commentPosted March 14, 2007 at 4:39 pmHi,
Dowry is prevalnet in lot of countries around the world. In India it is the girl who gives. In the Middle-east it is the groom, who has to give cash, house, ornaments, banquet, goats & camels as dowry. You will be shocked to know that last year there was article in the newspaper(in Dubai) about a girl applying for divorce within a week of marriage, coz her groom didn’t give the promised dowry!!! Lots of muslim guys here in UAE look for foreign brides since they don’t have the means to pay the exorbitant dowries demanded by their in-laws!!! India, Arabic & African countries are very old, very big in size and population to change overnight, unlike Singapore which is only a city state with educated and propserous citizens. So can’t compare.
-
Rudra
1 commentPosted April 10, 2007 at 9:55 pmVeron,
India is an ancient culture , with many worlds woven into eachother. The history and circumstance of ‘dowry’ is a phenomenon of the last 800 years – the period which saw massive Islamic invasions into India , followed by the economic onslaught of the Brits.
For the first time , the land of Kama Sutra and Brahma Sutras became a victim of terror – common folk and women who were untouched in all affairs and wars of state , were attacked repeatedly by the Islamic invaders.
India has been a battle ground of the expansive , inclusive , artistic Indic cultures and the terror of Islam and Christianity !
Indian women suffed the worst – and strange practices emerged as a reaction , with a new-felt need to ‘protect’ , women ! Earlier ‘swayamwara’ – or ‘self-choice’ was the custom of ancient India , for women – where men of many accomplishments would present themselves and the girl would get to chose her partner ed of choice .
Dowry system started off as a ‘gift’ system , which then became frozen in time as an accepted custom in many parts of India especially during the periods of British colonialism.
Dowry does not represent the prevelant Indian situation , but caused a lot of outrage in a lot of decent people in india through the 60s and 70s when many reported deaths due to harrassment came to notice.
I am glad we are out of that era. and yes , I am an indian male !
-
Avinash
1 commentPosted May 8, 2007 at 2:22 amHi all,
Interesting read. My 2 cents. and don’t mind my english.
The dowry system IS evil. Dwelling into it’s origins may help understand it better, but cannot be used to justify it. From what I know (and I could be totally wrong) the dowry was meant to be the share of the girl from the family estate. Atleast that’s what happened within my family. I have 3 sisters, 2 of them are physicians, yet my parents gave dowry of about 1.5 crores (USD 300000) for each. we just din’t call it dowry and not all is cash. A more imp point is that only 10% of what we gave went to the groom’s family as a gift (yes dowry is illegal in India!) rest was in the name of the bride. I am happy about that.
The amt of dowry given depends/and reflects a family’s social/economic status. Rich families give dowries in millions. So, its not really like selling sick cattle like someone pointed-out.
The the birth of the girl child is/was (both apply) never cherished. Read the UN note on female infanticide in India. Though it’s more prevlent in the impoverished northern areas (does it really matter. Arn’t we all supposed to be indians) it does happen every where, in some form or the other. Newer medical technologies are really helping??
Comming to how fellow indians react to bad news/info about india, I can only say that I am amused when I read people writing on a tangent topic like the rich ancient customs and heritage of the country, when all the discussion is about some bad aspect in Indian society. I think most of the modern middle class indians (i include myself in that) are either ignorant about the real India or are just ashamed to admit the downside. I am glad that some people are generous to admit that it happens only in some families. And wow never in the ‘super’ cities. Villages are bad right! And imagine what that few translates into when we are talking of a nation of a billion. BTW 75% of that billion still live in the rural India!
Finally talking of arranged marriages. I can’t help laughing my a** off when people point out that the bride and groom exercise their choice in spouse selection by rejecting offers they dont like. I could only wonder on what basis they make that choice. (mostly in the 1 or so meetings they have before marriage) May be they go for the looks. Isn’t it so superficial!
BTW India is the 4th largest economy and is expected to beat Japan to take the 3rd place shortly. But a ‘lot’ of Indians need to grow-up. Every society has its ills. But closing our eyes to them cannot be our best approach at improvement.
- Posted July 18, 2007 at 11:18 am
Hi, my name is lynn. I like your website. You talk about why indian woman get married. I also dont understand why they still have arranged marriage and still pay so much money for their drowsy. However, nowadays even they said they are arranged marriage, still they get to see and choose the man or woman they like. That happen to my bf’s brother also. So maybe still some dont have a choice. But still alot of them are more educated nowadays and they have choices who they want to get married even it is so called “arranged” marriage.
-
mscommerce
1 commentPosted August 24, 2007 at 11:33 amThe dowry system is illegal in India, because of widespread abuse of it as old social structures started fraying in colonial times.
The basic unit of the India family was the undivided family. Grandma, Grandad and all their married and unmarried sons and unmarried daughters lived in one single family unit both (socially and physically.
Daughters were the necessary exception. They became part of a different undivided family when they married.
Dowry was the system of fair allocation of property to daughters at the time of their joining a new undivided family by reason of marriage. They got their share of inheritance upfront at the wedding and took it with them to the new family.
Sons (and unmarried daughters) never actually “cashed out” their inheritance unless in the rare instance of either chosing to move out and live separate lives, which usually happened as their children became adults, and they became the patriarchal heads of new “undivided” families. Creating a new undivided family was a considerable burden on a couple, as they inherited only part of the estate of his parents, and had to create wealth to bring up his new undivided family to the economic level of their old one.
The natural way to do this was to marry off their sons, and bring in dowry-the inheritance of the new brides from their old families- thus both expanding the family and making it economically better poised to handle itself.
(this is in contrast to the English aristocratic system of inheritance, where all property-in the absence of a will to the contrary-goes to the oldest son.
The system self-regulated itself (sort of). If a just married daughter was sent off to her new home with a stingy share of her inheritance/dowry, her new in-laws/new undivided family would complain, often going to traditional arbitration courts.
And if the new family asked that an excessive or disproportionate share be brought along by the new bride, the old family could refuse the marriage.
Leave your comment
Note: As comment moderation is enabled, your comment may not show up right away. There is no need to resubmit your comment.
236,868 monthly readers
Subscribe now and have all new articles freshly delivered to you.
Latest articles
-
![Hong Kong Disneyland (Part 2) – Adventureland, Tomorrowland & the New Toy Story Land [Photos & Videos]](http://cdn.sparklette.net/wp-content/themes/v2/thumb.php?src=/archives/1297/toy-story-land.jpg&h=48&w=48&zc=1)
Hong Kong Disneyland (Part 2) – Adventureland, Tomorrowland & the New Toy Story Land [Photos & Videos] -
Xin Wang Hong Kong Café – Fun to Dine, Dining with Fun! -
Valentine’s Giveaway: 3x baked.and.eaten Brownies Heart -
Give the Gift of a Unique Singapore Experience with Zumvee -
baked.and.eaten – Hearts and Brownies for Valentine’s -
Viva Japan Pop-up Café at ION Sky -
Jo Takes the Cake – Cupcakes for a Sweet Valentine -
Zaffron Kitchen – Great Indian food with a Cosmopolitan Style -
![A Moving Masterpiece: Qing Ming Shang He Tu Epic Painting Comes to Life [Videos]](http://cdn.sparklette.net/wp-content/themes/v2/thumb.php?src=/archives/1289/qing-ming-shang-he-tu-singapore-expo.jpg&h=48&w=48&zc=1)
A Moving Masterpiece: Qing Ming Shang He Tu Epic Painting Comes to Life [Videos] -
![Hong Kong Disneyland (Part 1) – Main Street USA, Fantasyland & the Castle [Photos & Videos]](http://cdn.sparklette.net/wp-content/themes/v2/thumb.php?src=/archives/1288/hong-kong-disneyland-sleeping-beauty-castle-night.jpg&h=48&w=48&zc=1)
Hong Kong Disneyland (Part 1) – Main Street USA, Fantasyland & the Castle [Photos & Videos]
Singapore restaurants
- Rendezvous Hotel buffet
- Porn's (Pornsak's Thai restaurant)
- Concorde Hotel seafood buffet
- Fisherman's Market buffet
- Buffet Town
- Popeyes Chicken & Biscuits
- Marché
- Royce' chocolate
- Sakura buffet
- Crystal Café porridge buffet
- Swensen's 1-for-1 Lunch Treats
- Ritz-Carlton high tea buffet
- Rich and Good Cake Shop
- Bakerzin macarons
- Traders Hotel Cafebiz buffet
- Old Town White Coffee
- Boathouse
- Ah Yat Seafood Restaurant
- Equinox pink brunch buffet
- Kuishin Bo buffet
Weekly Reader Poll
Loading ...
